


Love like Fireflies

by deadspacedame



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Sorry, Love Confessions, M/M, Sadness, old alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 19:31:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8114725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadspacedame/pseuds/deadspacedame
Summary: "He knew Magnus would be okay, he had Max and Rafe now after all, and that eased great stress from Alec’s shoulders. They would all be okay... the only problem was... would he?" Alec is getting old and starting to reminisce, he's also scared for the future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Omfg this is awful and I think I just ruined myself - I cried like a baby. Good luck to those who are brave enough for this emotional blast. 
> 
> PS: There is a song I had on repeat for this fic - it's called Hurts So Good by Astrid S, if you're interested.

 

The sun was just starting to fall beyond the horizon, casting a orange sunset glow. It wasn’t a cool night, it was only September, but Alec had a warm blanket wrapped around his shoulders anyways. He sat on the small bench on the top of Magnus’ apartment roof in between two beautiful flower beds and under the gazebo. Magnus had turned the roof into a lovely relaxing hang out spot for all of them when they had gotten Max – even magicking up a small chest full of Max’s toys that sat near a small table with lilies in a vase resting on the surface. String lights weaved through the top of the gazebo bars and around the outside, making it look like a bunch of fireflies. It was perfect for all of them, and every night they would come up with the two boys and watch the stars.

Alec wanted to smile at the memory, but with passing days he found himself growing too weak to do the smallest things. His body was getting too old, his grey hair thin and fragile, his skin showing wrinkles – he was just too tired. Walking had become a challenge nearly five years ago, now he needed his cane and it made him sad, made him feel not in control. He wanted to walk like before, he wanted to smile and laugh with his boys like he once did, to dance with Magnus like he did on their wedding day.

But he couldn’t now, and every day was a battle to accept that. His days were numbered now. He was 84, and growing older by the second.

A small breeze blew by and Alec shivered, feeling the chill through all of his frail bones and thin skin. He pulled the blanket closer, just staring off into the distance. He wasn’t sure what would happen after he was gone; he had always tried not to think about it. He knew Magnus would be okay, he had Max and Rafe now after all, and that eased great stress from Alec’s shoulders. They would both be okay... the only problem was... would he?

Jace had passed away nearly 8 years ago and Izzy... well, Izzy was currently in an old folks home with alzheimers. A few years ago it wasn’t so bad, she would remember their birthdays and call them, only moments of showing her illness, but before too long she was gone. She couldn’t remember anything, but Alec did – he remembered going to visit her only to have her look at him with confusion and a hollowness in her eye that reached inside of him and crushed his heart to pieces. He longed for her smile and their heart to heart talks they would have when they were growing up. He missed them so much.

Blinking, Alec felt a tear drip down his cheek. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and took a deep breath when he heard footsteps behind him.

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you,” Magnus’ voice appeared and soon so did he, in Alec’s vision. “I made some tea, do you – “ He stopped and dropped to Alec’s side on the bench. “Oh Alexander, darling, what’s the matter?”

Alec felt his soft and still young hands touch his face, his thumb wiping under his eye. It broke him in a way and more tears flowed easily. When he opened his eyes he saw Magnus looking at him with worry and sadness. He was still beautiful, Alec thought, his brown skin smooth and blemish free – he still wore make-up, but has settled it down as Alec grew older. Now it’s just simple eye-liner with a bit of glitter in the corner near his nose. He was dressed in sweat pants and one of Alec’s old t-shirts that he refuses to get rid of, Magnus had been using it as night clothes for years now – it warmed Alec’s heart but also broke it.

Alec looked into the eyes of the man he loved and he should have felt love and adoration, instead he just felt scared. Not scared of Magnus, but scared of death – he didn’t know what to expect after life, but he didn’t want to find out. He didn’t want to leave him.

“I -,” Alec took in a breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t want to go.”

Magnus shifted closer, taking his cold, wrinkled hands into his warm, smooth ones. His nails were a royal blue, Alec’s favourite colour. “What do you mean, darling?”

Alec didn’t reply, just looked back at him, hoping to show him with his eyes than speak it. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to speak it, his emotions were everywhere.

He was falling apart.

Realization bloomed over Magnus face and he swallowed. He squeezed Alec’s hands. “Alexander, you listen to me,” His voice was soft and strong, but a deep hurt was clear underneath. Alec could always see through his false cover-ups. “Everything will be alright. I never want to loose you, God Alec, I don’t but we knew that day would come eventually. It will be hard, I won’t sugar coat it and say it won’t but you need to think about who you will see again. Jace will be there, and so will your parents… Max. You’ll be able to see Max again, Alec. You won’t be alone, you will never be alone, do you hear me? Don’t ever think, for one second, that you will.”

“But you...”

“Shh, don’t. Please, Alexander, don’t,” Magnus blinked a few times and bit his lip and Alec knew he was trying to hold himself together. Alec could see the glistening in his eyes. “I will be okay and no matter what, I will always have you with me. Everything we’ve shared and done together, those aren’t just memories, those are apart of me, and you. They are carved into us. _You_ are carved into me, Alec – you’ve wound yourself around my soul. You will always be with me, and I with you; even after you’re gone,” A tear fell from Magnus’ eye and he didn’t bother to wipe it away – they both needed this. They needed each other the most probably in this moment.

“One day too, you will have Rafe and I will still have Max. We’ll still be a family, we’ll always be a family, Alexander, and I will never give that up, and you better not either. Don’t you dare.” Alec shook his head, of course he would never. They were his everything, the oxygen to his lungs, the molecules in his pores – without them, he couldn’t live.

Magnus cupped his cheeks, his voice breaking and urgent, trying to make Alec understand. “And any time you need me, I will be there. I don’t care when or how or even if it’s impossible, I will _be there_. I got you, through this, through anything,” Alec let out a small sob and so did he. “We’re a team, you and I. Alexander Lightwood and Magnus Bane, we’ll always be a team and we will see each other again. I believe that, I believe that with everything I have so don’t have any doubts; but if you do, then I have enough faith for both of us. But I don’t have any regrets, Alec. Not with you, not with our kids, not with anything. Everything was perfect, _you_ were perfect.”

Through Magnus’ speech, he had gotten closer to Alec, their faces barely 3 inches apart. It was also completely dark out now, the sun gone; the only glow being the small firefly lights surrounding them.

Alec leaned his forehead against his, needing to feel the warmth of both of their bodies. If this was going to be their last night, he wouldn’t waste it. “I love you so much.”

Magnus closed his eyes, his jaw clenching. “I love you too, darling. More than anything.”

“I’ll wait for you," Alec said. "You know that right? I don’t care how long it takes, if at all, but I will wait for you.”

Magnus didn’t think his heart could break any more but it did. The splinters shattered into even smaller pieces.

“And if it never happens, if you believe in reincarnation, then I will find you. I’ll burn myself out trying to find you and Max, I promise.”

Magnus tried to smile, to be as positive as Alec, but he couldn’t. He felt like the world was crushing him into the earth. Another person he loved would soon be gone… again. Bit by bit he was falling apart.

He kissed him.

“And I’ll be there with open arms.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry... come attack me on tumblr: deadspacedame
> 
> I hate me too.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I think? I don't even know where this story idea came from.


End file.
